Better than Ever!

Just some thoughts . . .

I began searching for my best life in Jan 2007. I was 46 years old and very much wanted to face my 50th birthday fit and healthy (and thinner - ok - I wanted to actually BE thin). The first year was really easy for me overall. I'm not saying I didn't have challenges, I did, but I was able to overcome them and consistently lose 5 lbs per month and steadily increase my fitness ability. The next 3 years were more challenging. We moved to Germany as you know, I went back to work after 20 years and I endured several injuries. However, I still kept pursuing my best life and enjoyed many wonderful moments along the way.

Yesterday I turned 50. I'm not actually THIN, but I am fit and healthy. I decided this year my gift to myself is a greater, more intense pursuit of this healthy lifestyle. I have 2 sprint triathlons on my agenda as well as 2- 1/2 marathons. I chose to celebrate my 50th by doing my regular training program. First I biked 9 miles in the heat on some very steep hills (my ride goes over the tail end of the Pine Mountain Ridge) and then came home and hit the water for 1/4 mile of swimming. Whew! (it was fun!) Later that evening, I paddled the kayak for about a mile - just for fun.

When it came to birthday eating, although I had planned to eat as I wanted, I found that what I really wanted was to eat healthfully. I'm so satisfied in my life that I really don't want or need food to make me happy. This is pretty new for me. I indulged in french toast (white bread cause it's what dh brought home) loaded w/ over a cup of blueberries to carb up for my exercise. The rest of the day was healthy controlled eating. At dinner I'd planned fried lobster tail but really decided it wasn't worth it. I had grilled fish instead w/ green beans and sweet potato fries (which were actually fried). I ordered key lime pie for dessert and shared it w/ dh. PERFECT. I came home happy and satisfied but not overfull and guilty. What a day!

It was late in the evening before I realized that I'd met my goal of long ago. I'd stuck w/ Best Life living for over 4 years, never wanting my old ways back, and found the joy of attaining what I'd only hoped for in 2007 - a healthy lifestyle that marked a genuine change not just a temporary diet. I'm stronger than I've been since my 20's I'd say and certainly more joy-filled. I eagerly look forward to my next birthday to see where I am then! 


(Copied from my post on www.thebestlife.com - a weight loss website based on Bob Greene's healthy lifestyle books)

A Shout Out of Thanks

Sometimes in life you come across people who give of themselves in unusual ways. They may have to due to the demands of their job to some extent but then of their own decision go above and beyond. Sometimes they're not properly compensated or rewarded or even thanked for this effort (and to some extent that's o.k. because we want to encourage each other to do things for others expecting nothing in return). This week, I had the wonderful privilege of meeting 3 women who had a professional attachment to an event but truly went above and beyond. I want to thank  them.


Many of you know that I am part of an online weight loss community, www.thebestlife.com , and have been for 4+ years. Through this site I've met men and women from around the country and beyond who walk my journey with me. They're special folks. This week we gathered in Chicago to spend time together socializing and encouraging each other as we work toward our goals. Because we asked for it and because they're cool like that, we had on hand, 3 top level experts that work for Bob Greene on his website: Janis Jibrin, Michelle Kennedy and Jen Martin. (You can learn more about them at the website listed above.) 


Now hear me because this is kind of unheard of: They showed up at our event for 4 days, making themselves widely available to us, were way underused for the talent they brought, listened patiently, kindly and helpfully to all of our stories, aches, pains and complaints - inserted their expertise wherever they could and we as a group payed them NOTHING. I have no idea how they were compensated from their boss, but you just don't get access to people of this caliber without paying up the big bucks. In addition, we were treated to a cooking class at a top notch facility in Chicago and were graced not only with Janice Jibrin, but also Best Life and top D.C. chef, Sidra Forman. All of this was done for 30 men and women who payed a small registration fee of $25 and that money did not even go to The Best Life. 


Can you believe it? Not only that, we were given tickets to a very famous show and received public acknowledgement for our weight loss on national t.v. and won a very cool prize. (You might make sure to set your dvr on May 10.) Afterwards, we had a 2 HOUR private session with Bob Greene, and we didn't pay him diddly! 2 HOURS! (In case you need a little more of a hint: It's the much anticipated Weight Loss Finale of a very famous talk show that is in it's last season and is filmed in Chicago. *wink*)


I'm so impressed with the generosity of spirit and time that was bestowed upon us, let alone expertise. We didn't deserve it. We probably took advantage of them and we dang sure didn't pay them. These people all of them, but particularly the 3 I mentioned early on, at the very least deserve a public thanks. 
THANK YOU, JANIS, MICHELLE AND JEN. YOU ROCK!!! 

Some Things Take Time

We live in a fast-paced, over achieving, git 'r done kind of world. We have demands on us and our time sun up to sundown, day in and day out. Sundays (or Saturdays) are no longer days of rest, but rather another day for chores, kids' ball games, shopping and such. Furthermore, free time is oft viewed as a scandalous indulgence. Guilt is piled on the one who takes time for naps or simply doesn't run at breakneck speed at all times. It's exhausting trying to keep up.

I'm here to tell you and truth be told, simply ponder the fact that some things take time. Homemade bread for example. Knitting a sweater (not that I would know). War and Peace (again, ignorant on this one). Making a quilt (this one I can speak to - started one 20 years ago and it's still not done). Some things just can't be rushed.

I'm at a time in my life where I have time on my hands. Time to sit. Time to ponder. Time to write a blog. (Please don't mention that I could be knitting or QUILTING.) And, since I live on a lake, that time offers the opportunity for some of life's very special moments. There are things that I'm able to enjoy ONLY if I sit still outside with nothing to read (or knit):

• An otter swim up to the dock
• A goose defending a nest
• A school of gar passing by
• An eagle delivering a catch to his nest
• An eagle shaking off the water from his last dive for prey
• The woodpecker that lands on my dock ladder (that sounds like Flipper)
• The onset of a thunderstorm
• The changing colors of the sky before, during and after sunset
• The planet that shows up first each night
• The appearing of Orion as the sky darkens
• A fish dancing on his tail across the water
• A hawk w/ a fish, mouse, snake in tow
• The sound of hail on a lake a mile away making its way toward me
• The fragrance of the latest blooms
• The sound of a chuck's poor widow
• The first firefly of the season
• The difference between one sunset and another
• The sound of a silent night

This time we've been given with not so much to do is stressful at times. We miss our regular activity and job/life demands. We long to be needed by others as before and to use our talents professionally. When I'm stressed or anxious I'm reminded that I'm not to "...worry, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make [my] requests known to God and the peace that passes all understanding will be [mine]." Some things take time. I give thanks for the time to appreciate the things that so often would pass me by. They remind me of the greatness of God and the smallness of me.
It's good.

Marriage Part 2

I have to tell you that I have very little memory of this day 28 years ago. 28 years ago yesterday, I remember quite clearly. 28 years ago tomorrow is well-etched on my brain. But 28 years ago today - nope, hardly a thing. I remember what I wore to dinner. I remember where I had dinner and I remember most of who was at dinner. I remember 1 thing I said and I remember what I ate. I also remember a particular nice thing one man did. That's about it.

T.J. surveying the spread

The event 28 years ago today was the day before my one and God-willing, only, wedding day. We had our rehearsal dinner at The Plantation Inn at Stone Mountain Park, Ga. We ate ham, butter beans, and sweet potatoes - probably something else, but I don't remember. I wore a beautiful dress of my grandmother's because it was so beautiful and I didn't think I'd find anything as beautiful to wear. Most of my close family  (the Taylors/Worleys) were there as well as a large number of Redmonds. Martha Jean and Louie Giglio, Sr (parents of the now famous, Louie Giglio, Jr) more or less hosted the event and when I looked out at the crowd I said something like "Wow, all together that's a pretty good looking family." Some anonymous person had made beautiful placards for each person and when I realized I'd forgotten my friend and pianist, one miraculously appeared. Thank you Louie Giglio, Sr. That pretty much encapsulates what I remember about the day before my wedding.

Martha Jeane Giglio, Alice Redmond, Louie Giglio, Sr, Allen Redmond

Two days before I remember getting a horrible perm at Davison's and my wedding day was really quite wonderful. So much of it was a blur that I often dream of doing it again, just so I can enjoy it more. Isn't that funny?

Nano, Leslie (my sis), me

One particular scene that is etched in my brain, that I have gone back to time and time again is a discussion that I had with my then 7 year old sister. We were sitting in my mother's room, just the 2 of us, and she said, "Sissy, what if you and Andy get divorced." I looked her in the eye and said "Leslie, Andy and I don't believe in divorce. We've already decided that we won't." Wow. I was all of 21, almost 22 years of age and spoke with great wisdom. Ha! I might have been speaking very naively, for I thought that was all there was to it. Truth was, I could not imagine that anything at any time could make the 2 of us or even 1 of us want a divorce.


28 years later, I can tell you though, that one sentence spoken in such innocence might be just the thing that saved our marriage here and there. The truth is, I'm not always an easy person to be married to. I have baggage, shall we say. Deep hurts and scars and at times have let those wounds bleed profusely all over anyone who was around. I have no idea if my husband has ever truly wanted to leave me, but I can tell you this, it's a fair miracle that he's stayed and a great testimony to the kind of man he is. But even in my darkest of hours, I remember telling my precious little sister, not to mention the man of my dreams and 150 people and GOD that I would not leave this man or give him a reason to leave me.

The first weekend we knew we were in love

The conversation I had with my sister was absolutely true. As we prepared to marry, we had a long discussion over the big stuff.  Finances, kids, family, leaving and cleaving, head of the household, views on tradition, God and yes, divorce.  He had told me he could never marry anyone he could conceive divorcing. We made a commitment to each other that we would ride out whatever thing came our way and no matter what, we would not divorce. Our marriage has never faced the trial of infidelity and I honestly don't know what we would do, but I pray we would stand by our commitment. Of course, we also committed that we would not engage in infidelity or even test the waters.

I think Daddy's more nervous than I am!

We took that commitment to each other to heart and we publicly made that commitment to God before our friends and family. We have known rough  patches. I have a nasty, ugly temper that only by the grace of God stays in check. We have weathered moves, the raising of children, challenging environments, and some poor decisions of our own. On the flip side, we have surrounded ourselves with people who value marriage and support each other in their respective marriages and encourage each other. We've continued to grow in our faith and commitment to God. We've shown patience to one another in trying situations. We've held that commitment high as a light to guide us through the more difficult passages. Now we stand on the eve of our 28th wedding anniversary and more in love than ever.

The happy couple

The course of our 28 years has been easier than so many others that I know. We began our relationship by becoming fast friends. A year into our friendship, we fell in love and married soon after. We have devoted our lives to continuing to grow in that friendship. We coddle it and nurture it. . . cultivate it. We make time for each other no matter the stresses in our lives. Our kids know they are not, nor ever have been the center of our home life, though we totally adore them. We've prioritized each other. As a result, we face this anniversary as great friends who know how to have a good time whether anyone else is there or not. We pray fiercely that this example is one our kids will build on in their futures and we do not take for granted the gift of a long marriage. We very well know that temptation in many forms lurks on the edge and we've watched what we presumed were good marriages fail.

So  - what tips do I have for you?
1. Find your completion in Christ.
2. Banish husband/wife bashing.
3. Work on yourself.
4. Look for things that you love in your husband/wife and tell him.
5. Revisit the commitment you made.
6. Cultivate forgiveness and patience.
7. Keep the couple the central part of the "family" (after God of course).
8. Build your friendship with your spouse.
9. Be the spouse you should/can be.
10. Enjoy your marriage.

Today I give great thanks to Jesus Christ who is the glue that holds us all together. My true happiness and joy is found in Him and hopefully that spills over onto this wonderful man who's been willing to stick with me through the years. I feel incredibly blessed and I pray that somewhere in this nostalgic moment is some little nugget that you can take for your own to encourage you along the way.

What About Marriage? Part 1

It's happened more than once - many times - and today it happened again. I heard of a marriage turned upside down and dropped on its head because someone wasn't "happy" and feels they deserve to be. I hardly know where to begin. I've had so many thoughts on this lately.

I've watched as people carelessly and dangerously have "fun" with heavy flirtations, all the while diminishing their spouse's confidence and sense of security and trust. I've known of one or the other spouse letting a deep friendship with the opposite sex develop and allow themselves to get into deep confidence with this "good listener".  I've watched time and again people become and remain in miserable marriages all the while waiting for their partner to change and make it all better. I've known of emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I've known of spouses coming out and leaving their family behind to pursue their preferred activities. I've known of marriages where the women cringe at the mention of sex and I've known of marriages where the women can't get sex. I've seen heartache upon heartache. And - I've sat and cried with and consoled women who've awakened to find they're no longer wanted...at all.

So now, where does that leave me today and what could I possibly contribute? One of the first things that comes to mind as a word of wisdom to my fellow women: Don't expect your husband to MAKE YOU HAPPY. I just believe that is too much responsibility to place on another human being. A man can add a lot of joy and happiness to your life for sure, but God is the one who wants to complete you and the only One who can.  You can just chew on that a while. I'm not expanding.

Marriage is the earthly example of God's love for the church. He calls Jesus the groom and the church the bride. It seems to me then that we have a responsibility to do our part to make our marriages a beautiful tribute of sorts to that perfect love God has for us. I'm not going to sit here and say that it's easy or even truly attainable but I think we each need to be making that effort.

Having said that, we each only get to control our side of the equation. This is probably the toughest part in it all. We have the opportunity to choose how we will accept (or not) the behavior of our spouse. I tell myself and others that we can't decide that it's "their responsibility" to change and just sit around scornfully waiting for that to happen and complaining when it doesn't. We have to consider our OWN behavior and how we're going to react. Chew on this one a while too. I'm busy feeling convicted.

I have patience with a lot in life but some things, not so much. I have very little patience for one (man or woman) who thinks it's all right to make a whole family miserable and make them suffer so they can go chase after their latest affection. Very little patience for this. It is the height of selfish behavior. VERY LITTLE! Get over yourself. And by the way how did you develop this grand new interest? Possibly by spending time with another that you should've spent with your husband or wife? Opening up and sharing your heart with another? Emotional infidelity. Ok - I have NO patience for this. It's selfish I say again.

We need to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. We need to protect ourselves and our marriages from wandering interests by being mindful of our interaction with other men and women. And by the way, I think this extends to our girlfriends we hang out with - husband bashing is not cool.

• When we allow ourselves to spend one on one company with another man over and over, developing a good friendship apart from the eyes of our spouse, we're being foolish if we believe we cannot have our heart wander... particularly if we're in an unhappy situation at home. It might be comforting but it's a major precursor to an affair. Consider yourself warned. 
• If we sit around and complain to our girlfriends about our husband and only examine his flaws - we're in danger of being tempted and lured. Consider yourself warned. 
• If we feel miserable about ourselves and do nothing about it and complain that "he doesn't love me like he used to" - we're in danger of being left. Consider yourself warned. 
• If we just nag and nag, making our man feel unloved and unappreciated, he will look elsewhere (doesn't make it right, but he will). Consider yourself warned.

So, then - pursue a healthy, well-adjusted life, and for goodness' sake try to find (DAILY, REGULARLY) things about your husband you appreciate. Cultivate a healthy, sexy marriage in as much as it depends on you. I've read that men love confident, happy, appreciative women. Find things to say to your friends that compliment your husband. Stop being a hopeless nag (conviction rolls in again). The Scriptures say it is better to live on the corner of a roof that with a contentious woman. Don't you know it!

Now - I cannot guarantee that you will keep your husband like this. BUT at the end of the day, if he chooses a foolish path, you can know that you have loved him and respected him. Remember our scriptural commissioning, as women, is to RESPECT our husbands. Cultivate that! You have done your part. Develop and nurture a gentle, quiet spirit, particularly if your husband is not a believer. You cannot be responsible for another's behavior. Do not carry that load.

An easy summary - If your marriage isn't all you'd like it to be, make sure (SURE) you're doing your part.

Pain and Praise

Today I am intensely aware of the hurting people in my life. They're all around me (you, too). A relative with cancer, struggling with personal addiction. 2 loving parents doing all they can do to help the family around them - even though it's wearing them out. A dear woman who used to be a part of our family - cancer. An aging aunt - cancer (she doesn't notice she's aging). A dear friend coping, painfully, with MS. Another one I love fighting hard against breast cancer. People I know and love dealing with lost jobs, recession, financial hardship, poor health, loss of parents... the list is long. 

In the middle of this, I'm also painfully aware of my shallow longings and desires for the things of this world which hold absolutely no eternal value. I'm not criticizing anyone but myself; I just notice my love of things and my desire to be accepted. What does it matter? What difference does it make? Vain and empty conceit. Is it Ecclesiastes where Solomon speaks of this?

I wonder to myself... do I live passionately enough for Jesus? The hurting people I mention have varied forms of faith - some very intense, some none at all. The questions flit across my mind - How do some keep their faith? How does anyone cope without it?

I'm slowly reading Ann Voscamp's, 1000 Gifts. The book challenges me to my core. In that very same essence of myself I find myself equally sad and joyful. I'm considering how dark and scary a night can be and hoping, so fervently, that when my darkest time comes I will have known such a passion with Jesus Christ that I can know with confidence that I will again yet praise Him. 

Today I bask in the comfort, joy and peace of my Savior, aware that it is He who filters the events of my life through His hands. He knows the plans He has for me. What sweet comfort this gives. 

A Short Little Post

I really do feel like the luckiest girl in the world! I'm married to someone who is so sacrificial in his love for me. I can tell you honestly that he never complains to me or criticizes me. He is incredibly patient with me. It's been 28 years since he asked me to marry him and though, "no" was never even the slightest thought, I'm still grateful that I said, "yes". I enjoy his company and his sense of humor. I think he is handsome and pretty much everybody thinks he is smart. I just wanted to share that with you this Valentine's Day - not to make you envious or to brag, but more to say this:
If your marriage isn't what you want it to be, do all you can to make it better. I know sometimes it's not in your power - just do your part to show true love. "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."John 15:13