I walked in the door and there, right at the moment I crossed over the threshold, the flashback hit me. So quick! My eyes spotted the kitchen island holding the teapot. That teapot has been around my whole life. All 52 years and who knows how many before. I can't tell you if it's black or really dark brown, but it has red flowers of a sort on it. It's distinct, so it's not like I'm mistaken. Nope this is the teapot that was always used to make the tea.. unsweetened tea that we repeatedly and totally unsuccessfully, tried to sweeten in our glasses. And since sugar won't dissolve in cold water, we always had a big thick stack of sugar sitting in the bottom of the Fostoria glasses.
The Fostoria.. When you go get a glass, that's just what you get. And yes, they're still there. Some in the china cabinet that has been in that exact location as long as I remember, and some in the kitchen cabinet, next to the brown bowls, next to the gray coffee cups, near the gold trimmed, floral-painted, just the right size for ice cream dessert bowls. Where they've been my WHOLE life... and this is the 2nd set of built-in cabinets, but the dish storage remained the same. I remember (barely) when the first new sink and the built-in cabinets came... I was born in 1961. A few years have passed.
I'm at my grandmother's house. Let me work through the math... My grandmother died in 1995 (maybe 96) and was 79 years old. She would be about 96 now. The house was built when she was 10, if memory serves me right. That would put it about 1927. My great grandfather worked the railroad and always had work during the depression. My "Granny" (great-grandmother) fed hungry folks on the front porch. She always had some "extra".
My father was raised in that house. His parents divorced when he was young and his mother moved the 2 of them in with her mother. Somewhere along the way, my great grandfather died and Grandmothers siblings grew up and moved on, as did my dad, leaving my Granny and Grandmother living together. My grandmother was working woman and kept that house in tip-top operating shape. When she died, her younger sister moved in, bringing many of her own things, but thankfully, keeping many of the old treasures.
When I married, my grandmother gave me 6 sets of her china with the promise of me receiving the rest upon her death. The china had been purchased bit by bit from Woolworth's. Grandmother's promise was kept and when I was home for her funeral, Aunt Betty gave me the rest of the china. She didn't like seeing it leave the house, but she sent me home with it anyway, honoring my grandmother's wish.
I'm back in town now because Aunt Betty is dying. It hasn't been a long process. Thanksgiving she was "fine" - having some back pain, but "fine". She didn't really know (or want to know) until very recently that she was full of untreatable cancer. It's all been very fast. So I'm home. I want to say "Goodbye" to her face. It's a joy, a privilege. I'm going to miss her, but it is an honor to get to help see her off. I've massaged her arms, wet her lips, offered water (such tiny sips), sung to her, looked deep in her eyes and told her I love her and thanked her for loving me. What more can you do?
I've roamed through the house today, and, with my daddy, laughed and laughed as we found beautiful reminders of who Grandmother was. She's the one who ran that house for so long and her fingerprints are all over it. The boxes, paper boxes from the office, neatly packed with items - this and that, then tied with string, each carefully labeled and the contents actually match the label... after all this time! She wasn't a hoarder by any stretch. Her house was uncluttered. But she saved things. Funny things. She didn't waste anything. One box was tied with several pieces of ribbon patched together with knots to make it long enough. Another contained perfectly shaped, non-smashed bows from packages (how I remember her neatly cutting them off the wrapping w/ little scissors!), ornaments (and Christmas lights! so vintage they're actually vintage!), her nativity set that my brother always played with, a picture (just one) of my Granddaddy (her ex husband), my wedding invitation - in perfect condition, with the invite to the rehearsal dinner and the placard and my thank you note. I even heard that they found (this week) a pair of her stockings in a neat piece of plastic labeled "Do not wear. Hole in toe." Now, why oh why did this neatie keep that? To tie up the roses? She died 17 years ago. My. My.
The Pollyanna Game we played. Have you played Pollyanna? This one has wooden pieces. The Old Maid set labeled "full deck". The carefully wrapped saw (to protect you from the blade, you know). Her bed in its always place. There is more stuff in the house now, since Betty moved in 17 years ago, but the old stuff is still there and in pristine condition. Most of it doesn't matter to anyone, I guess. I want my brother to have that nativity. I hope for the table linens for my son's wedding., but I've been given the china already, so I don't want to be greedy. I'm thrilled my daddy was there to identify his old art box - no, no paint in it, but rather paintings he did when he was a boy! Oh boy! The real treasure is all of the memories. Sliding down the stairs. Pasting Wildlife Federation Stamps into a spiral book (Grandmother's idea of fun for kids). The comfort of knowing where to look for a glass and what it will look like and feel like. The scrambled eggs, served in a small bowl that never, ever stuck to the iron skillet.
She is gone, but her life has continued with us in our wonderful memories. Betty will go, too. But these beloved people will not be forgotten. I've shared them with you and you will help me remember.
My Life on the Lake
Simple thoughts and observations from a simple girl with lots of big ideas.
Welcome
Nothing to Say, But Can't Shut Up - haha! That's what I thought I should call my blog! What I write here might not mean a thing to you and I'm pretty o.k. with that. However, I have an active mind and like to sort things out out loud, so to speak. I also like to have deep conversations so feel free to jump in and comment. I'm glad you showed up and took the time to read. Welcome!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
I'm not ANYBODY
Oh, Lord, give me the words. Help me express the things you're teaching me. May the words flow in a way that is clear.
I know or have spoken to some famous and/or powerful people. There. I said it. Brushes with greatness as they say. I've had them. I like them and yes, I'm fairly enamored by them. Please don't judge me for being honest about it.
I'm questioning it, though. Judging myself. Trying to understand why I'm impressed by the perception of power. I know none of those folks are going to tap my shoulder and say, "Come. Let me make you famous and help you get lots of money." Truth be told, I don't want that really. (well, not always) Increasingly, I think what I want is a platform. I have to check my motives here and be sure that I'm being honest about that. I remember craving some type of fame, some type of notoriety... for what I don't know, I have nothing particular to offer - no remarkable talent, skill or wisdom ... I used to want people to be impressed by my singing and want me to make albums. I remember that. In my youth. But now... no. I'd do it, but I don't crave it or dream about it. Still... I am impressed by celebrity... kind of... I think...
2 years ago I volunteered for a position of no prestige. I was serving at a big event. The big event was being led by a family member and I was asked (by someone totally outside the family) to man a section near the stage because "they needed someone who wouldn't be starstruck". I remember saying "Don't be mistaken. I'm still star struck."
Still thinking here. Pondering. Searching for the words. What do you need to know? What do you need to think about? What do I need to say?
Sunday, a woman approached me. She spoke to me about my business and another woman in my business. Upon hearing my name, the other woman said "She's not anybody. I'd know if she was." Peeved. That's me. Peeved. But the thing is, I am most certainly "not anybody". No one whose name you'd know. Just a girl. Next door. Selling cosmetics. Going to church. Normal.. Not a world changer.
Now, one more story for the foundation I'm building for my actual point. Yesterday, our famous family member was honored with the invitation to deliver the prayer at the Presidential Inauguration. Not at the Lions' Club or Rotary Club, but of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Yeah. That inauguration.
I'm closer. Narrowing in. Focusing. The words are coming.
HE IS A NOBODY, TOO. Was. Wants to be. Has spent his whole life in ministry seeking ONE THING: To make the name of Jesus known and to lose his own and now his own is known. How. Do. You. Process. That. ?
I lay awake on my bed thinking on it. Listening for the still small voice. I've been listening for a few days leading up to all of this. One thing is becoming more and more clear: All of the "somebody"s were once nobody's. They were normal everyday guys who took one step and then another and made great discoveries. Steve Jobs - a 10 year old who got into computers. Mary Kay Ash - a retired woman who was sick of women not being treated fairly in the workplace. A 3 Star General in my family - a boy from a little town in North Carolina who later served as Multinational Corps Commander in Iraq. The founder of a ministry that fights against sex trafficking - a middleaged woman in a normal church. Beth Moore - an Army brat, I believe.
My brain, stirred in the middle of the night - World changers started somewhere - not seeking fame or fortune, but doing the small things they were called to do in their area of influence, in faith, leaning on God, in His power eventually being used for God's "immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine". Moses. Paul. Rahab. David. Peter. A guy in our family who loves Jesus - steps out with one clear mission: to raise up a faceless generation for the reknown of Christ, with a vision for seeing 1000's of collegiate-age kids praising the name of Jesus, believing a large gathering of Christians should impact their local community and work together to do something bigger than one can do alone...
How do I say it? What are you hearing?
Here is where I want to get: WE CAN BE THE CHANGE. As one individual, we may not have much influence, but using what we have, joining forces with others around us, we can each individually and certainly corporately can make a difference. How? Well, when 5000 were gathered together and hungry, a boy gave some loaves and fishes. Combined with Jesus' power that small offering fed 5000 with 12 basketfuls leftover. A woman gave her last 2 cents - It was considered more valuable than larger contributions. David, considered "not anybody" took down a mighty opponent with a stone and a slingshot, "with what he had in his hand" (Beth Redman).
What is in your hand? What can you influence? What would Jesus partner with you to change? A (sorry, Louie) scrawny boy from Atlanta GA whose claim to fame could be that his dad designed the Chick Fil A logo, my husband's first cousin, whose chosen passion and vocation seeks to hide his own name and offer up, unashamed, the name of Jesus is being noticed for bringing together a band of activists and a bunch (!) of college kids to raise awareness and even seek to end slavery in our world today and as such, has garnered the attention of the President of the United States and will now be praying over our entire nation before so very many people. He's been given one of the largest stages to be the voice for 27,000,000 slaves. And he was just a normal guy - like you. like me. "not anybody"
I want to be a nobody like that - not for myself (Lord, please may that be true) - but to change one small but ever-growing circle. What's in my hand?
I know or have spoken to some famous and/or powerful people. There. I said it. Brushes with greatness as they say. I've had them. I like them and yes, I'm fairly enamored by them. Please don't judge me for being honest about it.
I'm questioning it, though. Judging myself. Trying to understand why I'm impressed by the perception of power. I know none of those folks are going to tap my shoulder and say, "Come. Let me make you famous and help you get lots of money." Truth be told, I don't want that really. (well, not always) Increasingly, I think what I want is a platform. I have to check my motives here and be sure that I'm being honest about that. I remember craving some type of fame, some type of notoriety... for what I don't know, I have nothing particular to offer - no remarkable talent, skill or wisdom ... I used to want people to be impressed by my singing and want me to make albums. I remember that. In my youth. But now... no. I'd do it, but I don't crave it or dream about it. Still... I am impressed by celebrity... kind of... I think...
2 years ago I volunteered for a position of no prestige. I was serving at a big event. The big event was being led by a family member and I was asked (by someone totally outside the family) to man a section near the stage because "they needed someone who wouldn't be starstruck". I remember saying "Don't be mistaken. I'm still star struck."
Still thinking here. Pondering. Searching for the words. What do you need to know? What do you need to think about? What do I need to say?
Sunday, a woman approached me. She spoke to me about my business and another woman in my business. Upon hearing my name, the other woman said "She's not anybody. I'd know if she was." Peeved. That's me. Peeved. But the thing is, I am most certainly "not anybody". No one whose name you'd know. Just a girl. Next door. Selling cosmetics. Going to church. Normal.. Not a world changer.
Now, one more story for the foundation I'm building for my actual point. Yesterday, our famous family member was honored with the invitation to deliver the prayer at the Presidential Inauguration. Not at the Lions' Club or Rotary Club, but of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Yeah. That inauguration.
I'm closer. Narrowing in. Focusing. The words are coming.
HE IS A NOBODY, TOO. Was. Wants to be. Has spent his whole life in ministry seeking ONE THING: To make the name of Jesus known and to lose his own and now his own is known. How. Do. You. Process. That. ?
I lay awake on my bed thinking on it. Listening for the still small voice. I've been listening for a few days leading up to all of this. One thing is becoming more and more clear: All of the "somebody"s were once nobody's. They were normal everyday guys who took one step and then another and made great discoveries. Steve Jobs - a 10 year old who got into computers. Mary Kay Ash - a retired woman who was sick of women not being treated fairly in the workplace. A 3 Star General in my family - a boy from a little town in North Carolina who later served as Multinational Corps Commander in Iraq. The founder of a ministry that fights against sex trafficking - a middleaged woman in a normal church. Beth Moore - an Army brat, I believe.
My brain, stirred in the middle of the night - World changers started somewhere - not seeking fame or fortune, but doing the small things they were called to do in their area of influence, in faith, leaning on God, in His power eventually being used for God's "immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine". Moses. Paul. Rahab. David. Peter. A guy in our family who loves Jesus - steps out with one clear mission: to raise up a faceless generation for the reknown of Christ, with a vision for seeing 1000's of collegiate-age kids praising the name of Jesus, believing a large gathering of Christians should impact their local community and work together to do something bigger than one can do alone...
How do I say it? What are you hearing?
Here is where I want to get: WE CAN BE THE CHANGE. As one individual, we may not have much influence, but using what we have, joining forces with others around us, we can each individually and certainly corporately can make a difference. How? Well, when 5000 were gathered together and hungry, a boy gave some loaves and fishes. Combined with Jesus' power that small offering fed 5000 with 12 basketfuls leftover. A woman gave her last 2 cents - It was considered more valuable than larger contributions. David, considered "not anybody" took down a mighty opponent with a stone and a slingshot, "with what he had in his hand" (Beth Redman).
What is in your hand? What can you influence? What would Jesus partner with you to change? A (sorry, Louie) scrawny boy from Atlanta GA whose claim to fame could be that his dad designed the Chick Fil A logo, my husband's first cousin, whose chosen passion and vocation seeks to hide his own name and offer up, unashamed, the name of Jesus is being noticed for bringing together a band of activists and a bunch (!) of college kids to raise awareness and even seek to end slavery in our world today and as such, has garnered the attention of the President of the United States and will now be praying over our entire nation before so very many people. He's been given one of the largest stages to be the voice for 27,000,000 slaves. And he was just a normal guy - like you. like me. "not anybody"
I want to be a nobody like that - not for myself (Lord, please may that be true) - but to change one small but ever-growing circle. What's in my hand?
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Unexpected Blessings & Opportunities to Bless
Lots on my heart and mind today and I'm having some trouble figuring out the best way to tell this story... I'll just act like you are here; I'll start talking and see where we end up.
I've just finished my participation in a pretty noteworthy event called Passion 2013. Passion events are organized for college age students (18 - 25) and have been going on for about 16 years. This year 60,000 students filled the GA Dome with very few empty seats and 3000 (older) volunteers all leaning in to make this a stellar opportunity to proclaim the name of Jesus, teach from the Bible and ignite students to go out into the world and make a difference, in this case to raise awareness to END IT (modern-day slavery).
Passion events take place around the world, 5 per year, in places like South Africa, Uganda and Vancouver. The organizers are Louie and Shelley Giglio and the speakers usually include the likes of John Piper and Beth Moore along with others. The music is always invigorating, inspirational and top-notch written by well-known Christian artists like Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, David Crowder and LeCrae, among others.
Now that you have a brief and totally inadequate description of the nature of the event, let me tell you what is exciting and why I desire to be a part. First of all, I'll just name drop for a moment and say that Louie and Shelley are family. We know them; we love them. We know their motives are pure and that they can be trusted. Their desire to get people to live passionately for Jesus is what drives them. They are willing to go quite literally to the ends of the earth to share the message of freedom in Christ. We, the church, are to be alive in Christ and Louie believes that we should be able to muster up the kind of excitement for Jesus that we have for football. I can stand behind that. Jesus gave Himself for me, paying the penalty for my sin, which was great, breathed new life into me and raised me to walk in newness of life. He enables me to live my life in a way that I'm quite sure I couldn't and wouldn't without Him in my life. It's worth some joy and excitement!
Other reasons, I like to be present and serve are:
I've just finished my participation in a pretty noteworthy event called Passion 2013. Passion events are organized for college age students (18 - 25) and have been going on for about 16 years. This year 60,000 students filled the GA Dome with very few empty seats and 3000 (older) volunteers all leaning in to make this a stellar opportunity to proclaim the name of Jesus, teach from the Bible and ignite students to go out into the world and make a difference, in this case to raise awareness to END IT (modern-day slavery).
Passion events take place around the world, 5 per year, in places like South Africa, Uganda and Vancouver. The organizers are Louie and Shelley Giglio and the speakers usually include the likes of John Piper and Beth Moore along with others. The music is always invigorating, inspirational and top-notch written by well-known Christian artists like Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, David Crowder and LeCrae, among others.
Now that you have a brief and totally inadequate description of the nature of the event, let me tell you what is exciting and why I desire to be a part. First of all, I'll just name drop for a moment and say that Louie and Shelley are family. We know them; we love them. We know their motives are pure and that they can be trusted. Their desire to get people to live passionately for Jesus is what drives them. They are willing to go quite literally to the ends of the earth to share the message of freedom in Christ. We, the church, are to be alive in Christ and Louie believes that we should be able to muster up the kind of excitement for Jesus that we have for football. I can stand behind that. Jesus gave Himself for me, paying the penalty for my sin, which was great, breathed new life into me and raised me to walk in newness of life. He enables me to live my life in a way that I'm quite sure I couldn't and wouldn't without Him in my life. It's worth some joy and excitement!
Other reasons, I like to be present and serve are:
- It's just plain exciting to see thousands of college students raise their voices to hymns as quickly as they do rock music. And while some of those new hymns are pretty rocking, the kids are just as moved and moving when they sing less "rocking" ones.
- I get to be part of something bigger than myself.
- I find that I can be slap worn out and still invigorated, even energized by serving these "kids".
But the main reason I like doing it, is the unexpected part. My job both times I served has been to be in the arena, part of the Touch Team, seating people, keeping lines moving, picking up trash, encouraging people as I have opportunity, putting on a big smile and making everyone feel welcome and important. Each time, I've been presented with unexpected blessings and opportunities to bless.
The blessings most often come directly from the kids and you never know when. Suddenly a beautiful face appears and one says "Thank you so much for what you're doing." Big burly boys come in and offer great hugs, high fives, knuckle bumps. Another says, "I don't mean to be forward, but can I just pray for you?". This happens all day, each day.
One of my blessings led to an opportunity to bless. I was cleaning up the trash: water bottles, granola wrappers, paper airplanes (goodness! paper airplanes!!) and I noticed, on the back row, 2 girls still sitting in my section. A soft voice, smiling eyes, a tentative demeanor: "You're pretty." I say, "What did you say?", 3 times just so I can hear it again. We laugh, we visit. Her name is Shundreka. I don't remember her friend's name.
The next day Dreka is back in my section and she's hanging out with me. We're getting to know each other while I'm seating the others. "The floor's full, start filling the orange seats. No seat-saving after 10:30." "Yeah, I'm working on my GED." "That's great. How old are you? Come on in. Welcome. The floor's full. Start filling the orange seats. Bathroom's that way." "Nineteen. I want to go to college." "Aw. That's a great plan. Hi, guys! Welcome! Hope you're ready for the day!! Get any sleep??". More conversation. Bits and pieces. A family separated. Family broken up. Foster homes for some, but not for her: an institutional facility. Turned 18 - had to leave. Mom got her out. Mom went back on drugs. Wants to help women learn to be good mothers. Learned about kids by taking care of some of her siblings. Her birthday is in September. She's learning about me, too. She figures out she's a year and a month younger than my daughter. We talk more.
I meet Dreka's Transition Facilitator, Tabitha. She got the money to bring 4 kids in a car from Little Rock AR to Atlanta GA. I get the name of the organization that's helping, Immerse Arkansas. "When did she have to take care of the family for 3 weeks on her own?" "When she was 5." How does your heart not break? Tabitha tells me she can tell far worse stories than the ones we've heard from former slaves (www.enditmovement.com). I give my card. I get contact information. Now what? I don't know. But I believe I've been chosen to influence this young woman. Please pray on this point!
Other opportunities came my way:
- Please pray for Tori. She was in a bad car accident last night and is in a coma.
- I can't find the boy I'm supposed to drive home. *tears*
- My mom would've let me go around looking dumb with that tag hanging out.
- Getting to seat 6 people on row 2 and the hugs that came later.
- The Dome security guard who I find investing in Shundreka, telling her how to find grants for college. Encouraging her. Believing in her.
Now you just tell me... who got the biggest blessing? I've never been so tired and so simultaneously invigorated. Yep, I'll go back - God willing. And I earnestly pray for God's blessing to fall mightily on Shundreka and pour out some of His "immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine" that we read about in the Bible.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Get Your Business to Pay Off!
For 7 years I've owned my own home-based business. It's not the only time in my life I've done this - through the years I've become a this or that type of consultant largely because I wanted to buy a lot of that company's product and I found that I could do so for less money if I became a consultant. It was a practical decision based on the fact that I'm a bargain hunter at heart. It wasn't a business - it was a discount opportunity.
I think many of you are the same way and like me, think that earning a little extra $ on the side isn't such a bad thing. However, many times we become disillusioned about our business and wonder why we don't make a lot of money - or we think that the big success is only for others. I have some thoughts on this and just feel like sharing...
This past year I took a different tack with my business from the years before and in so doing have learned a few things:
I think many of you are the same way and like me, think that earning a little extra $ on the side isn't such a bad thing. However, many times we become disillusioned about our business and wonder why we don't make a lot of money - or we think that the big success is only for others. I have some thoughts on this and just feel like sharing...
This past year I took a different tack with my business from the years before and in so doing have learned a few things:
- You must treat your business like a business not a hobby. Hobby effort = hobby pay. To develop an actual business, you must be focused and intentional about it. You (I) need to go out and find customers, provide good customer service, have product at the ready and make phone calls. That's how businesses run and home businesses are no different.
- You have to prepare yourself to hear the no's. No's pave the way to yeses! Everyone will not want what you have but that's not personal. Just know this. Business is mathematical and a certain amount of no's have to happen before the payoff of a yes comes your way.
- You have to brush up on your skills. Be knowledgeable about your product. You need to stay informed by reading company and team emails and publications. Stay sharp!
- You have to be willing to be inconvenienced. I find that many of us just want what comes easy. That's fine, but you have to know you will have the type of results that come from little effort. To advance and grow, you have to put yourself out, rearrange some things, be flexible. You know the saying "If you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna get what you've got." Sometimes you'll miss a dinner at home. You might have to give up some entertainment or down time. To change things, you have to CHANGE THINGS.
- Ask God to bless your work, not your laziness or inactivity. Too often we say "I'm just going to trust God with this" when what we mean is "I'm not going to try. If something falls in my lap I'll do it." People with this mentality often will not even let others know they run a business. What restaurant or shop would keep their doors locked, with no sign and then say "It must not be God's will" when they don't have sales? That's not trusting God, that's refusing to work. I believe we must put in the effort and trust God with the results.
- Operate out of integrity always. Plain and simple. Be honest and trustworthy. A shortcut now might help you in the immediate time frame, but will do more harm down the road.
One year ago, I was convinced to begin treating my "business" like an actual business. At first, I just began dedicating a portion of each week to work my business. Because I only worked a few hours in retail at the time, I committed 15 hours a week for phone calls, office work and parties. I had no great goals, but just started with the basics. I could have begun with 3 -5 hours a week, but had the time to work a part-time job, so I allotted part-time hours. As the year has progressed, I've learned more and more ways to be intentional about my work. Six months after changing my approach, I was able to walk away from my retail job and gain more free time in my life. I've discovered that I love finding new customers and doing parties with them. I love the flexibility my home based business affords me and the way it's growing me as a business woman. One year later, I'm a stronger leader, have advanced to the top 4% of consultants and am narrowing in on being in the top 2%. Why? Because I began working my business the way it's intended to be done.
What IF you made the phone calls? What IF you recruited? What IF you were intentional? What IF you stocked your shelves? What IF you read the company info? What IF you attended meetings? What IF you reached for more?
I truly believe home-based businesses offer us opportunities to earn extra money and even advance ourselves while still allowing us to be flexible and fully active in our family's lives. In one selling appointment, I usually bring in what I made in a week at my p.t. retail job. If you are a business owner, I encourage you to give it a try the way it's recommended. Be focused and intentional - not all day every day, but rather by setting some work hours each week and deliberately working. Then close the office door and go back to your regular life. I think you'll see a payoff!!
Monday, October 22, 2012
It's MONDAY!
It's only been 3 days since my last blog and already my life is different! I was just caught a little off-guard as I read Friday's blog on time... Has it only been 3 days? Could it be?
And then.... then I went to bed and began to dream about it. By morning I was sick. SICK! The vanity of it all! It hit me overnight - all I've been seeking is the affirmation of others. The time I've spent concocting witty phrases, wise thoughts, tip toeing around true feelings, blurting out things better left unsaid, stepping on toes, trying not to, all for me.
Truly, I had no idea what the past 3 days would end up meaning for me - no doubt, I still don't, but I know I won't be the same.
In Friday's blog, I confessed my Facebook habit. I wasn't really ready to make a change, but inside my gut, the place where the truest emotions dwell, I knew I should - I must. I knew it I could free up time for me, my business, my family. I knew it could lead to more meaningful face-to-face interaction. I didn't know it would make me sick!!
Saturday, I attended a business workshop geared to help grow me in my business and as a leader. I listened intently as one after another shared their thoughts on the subject at hand. I listened as each shared their personal stories in growing their own business - how they got there, why they believe they've been successful, their gratitude.
And then it happened. One highly successful woman started talking about time. About best choices. About doing whatever it takes. And then just like that, without any real warning (and yet I fully knew in my gut she'd say it) she said, "I had to give up Facebook." I thought - good for her, not for me.
But in my gut I knew I would. I knew I must. At least for a time. Still couldn't admit it. It had started brewing in me sometime ago. This was not news. I was just avoiding it. But finally, it was time. I came home. I pondered. I posted. I played Bejeweled Blitz. I chatted. I reread what I'd already read. It was time. I made a farewell post and I signed out.
And then.... then I went to bed and began to dream about it. By morning I was sick. SICK! The vanity of it all! It hit me overnight - all I've been seeking is the affirmation of others. The time I've spent concocting witty phrases, wise thoughts, tip toeing around true feelings, blurting out things better left unsaid, stepping on toes, trying not to, all for me.
I am not judging you, your habits or lack thereof - I'm guessing you have some bad habits somewhere, too. I'm pointing only at myself. This is my personal courtroom. I am the one on trial. I was guilty and felt sick.
Yes, I know there is more to Facebook (and other social media). I am so very thankful for the ability to reconnect with people from my past, stay in touch with my kids, keep my mom and dad easily up to date with our lives. I love looking at your photos and learning through you. I do! But... when the house is quiet and I'm not trying to justify my choices to anyone, I know what I know. I have been caught up in a ridiculous form of vanity and pride. Wasting time, goofing off, pleasing myself, neglecting more important things, sabotaging my own goals and dreams.
If this makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. If you think I'm still about the same business with this blog - you're probably right. I'm weaning myself off the stuff. But I know it made me feel sick. It made me weep in church. We only get one today, and I had, time after time, frittered it away.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Tick Tock
Rushing through Florence Italy. |
I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty involved, active person - still I find that waste lots of time each day. I've been thinking about it and wondering if I'm being a good steward of my time or if I'm just making excuses to be lazy. Hmmmm. Don't get me wrong - we all need down time, but I'm having some nagging in my spirit about HOW I use my down time. Is it genuinely restful or is it like sitting around drumming my fingers on the table?
Pausing in Venice, St Mark's Square. |
And Facebook - trust me - I'm not really even talking to you here, just me! Goodness knows I'm a Facebook junkie. After sitting in Bible Study last night though, listening to Beth Moore talk about guarding our circle of friends and not allowing ourselves a steady diet of negative, gossipy, cynical talk.. well.... Let's just say I've got a lot to think about this weekend!!
Going into the weekend, I know I'm going to be busy. I have a conference to attend tomorrow and though I'm having mixed feelings about going alone, I realize that this kind of opportunity doesn't come around often. It will be beneficial for me to go, learn, absorb and get some new inspiration and motivation. It's a good choice! Sunday will be filled with church activities and then bam!, it's Monday again. Will I be ready and rested - able to give my new week my best? The "off" time and how I use it will determine my sense of rejuvenation, I'm sure.
Amazed by this clock in Strasbourg, France. |
One more thing to think about this weekend. God's plans for us.... whoa! Are we tapped into HIS agenda for our lives, our weeks and our days? Am I?! Every day we have to make tons of choices about how we will use our time. For sure, God has given us exactly enough time to do what He wants us to do! I believe that we all have much more available time than we realize - but we need to reevaluate how we're using that time. Each week has 168 hours in it. Even if you work 40 hours a week and sleep 56, you STILL have a lot of leftover time! Still talking to myself more than you, trust me.
Time doesn't wait. |
So - as you move into the weekend, I encourage you to examine your day and your week. Draw out a "map" of next week. Block out all of your set-in-stone life requirements. Think: God first, Family second, Career third. My career choices, being flexible, are always the last to go on my calendar! Then see what you have open still and consider what God would have you do with that time. Time is precious. Once it's gone, it's gone. Time spent on one thing is time away from another. Give it some thought this weekend and let me know what you come up with. Maybe what you learn will help me!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Life in Review
Oh my, my, my... Ever sift through a bunch of photos? Remember places you've been, things you've done? Well, that's what I did last night.
You see, I have a few new Facebook friends. Women that I aspire to be like. Celebrity types in my pink world. And well, whenever I get a new Facebook friend that I don't know very well, I go back and review my page to see it through their eyes. (I worry what others think of me. There! I said it.) And then I go and look at my pictures. It's just what I do.
So late last night, after everyone was tucked in bed and I'd played all the Bejeweled Blitz I could handle, I did the Facebook review. I glanced over my wall and yep, anyone who looks can tell what I do for a living... and btw, I'm very proud of what I do and the women (and some men) that I associate with... Anyone looking can see that I'm working. They can see that we added a new feature to our porch and that my daughter works in the same company I do.
Next I went to the photos. Oh wow. I was a little blown away. Sometimes I really take my life for granted! Being a military wife for so long, you just get used to people making the same money you do and going the same kinds of places you've been. It's "normal". Only, it isn't. After being a civilian couple for almost 2 years, we've gotten away from it all and now I can look back with fresh eyes.
I've been to London, Paris, Venice, Rome, Florence, the Alps, Hawaii, Korea ... starting to hear a little Johnny Cash in my brain.... I've skiied, hiked and sailed in dream locations. I've eaten stingray and drunk corn water (not that exciting, I know.).
I've also raised 3 awesome kids who are choosing lifemates wonderfully well. I've been married for 29 (!) years to a man who treats me incredibly well. I come from 2 loving parents and have 2 fabulous siblings. I live in what most would call a dream home in a dream location.
It's a little overwhelming now that I think about it. So, I asked my Facebook friends to shoot me if I every neglect to appreciate it. Now I'm going to tell you a secrect about me: I would be just as happy if I'd never been any of those places. In fact, I loved my life just as much when I lived in Oklahoma, Mississippi, New Jersey and Illinois. I'm just as proud of being a homeschool mom as any other thing I might accomplish in my life.
I love my life. I really do. And now, in my early 50's, I'm stretching myself in new ways and trying new things - learning to become a business women and leader of other women. I'm developing leadership skills I never knew I'd need. I'm seeking out women who need a way to improve their lot. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I love what I do.
Thanks be to God for the rich life He's given me in family and friends and may I always appreciate the opportunities I've had and will have. The lines have fallen in pleasant places and I hope that when you look at my Facebook page, you see a woman who loves God and her family and seeks to find joy and excitement in everything she does.
You see, I have a few new Facebook friends. Women that I aspire to be like. Celebrity types in my pink world. And well, whenever I get a new Facebook friend that I don't know very well, I go back and review my page to see it through their eyes. (I worry what others think of me. There! I said it.) And then I go and look at my pictures. It's just what I do.
So late last night, after everyone was tucked in bed and I'd played all the Bejeweled Blitz I could handle, I did the Facebook review. I glanced over my wall and yep, anyone who looks can tell what I do for a living... and btw, I'm very proud of what I do and the women (and some men) that I associate with... Anyone looking can see that I'm working. They can see that we added a new feature to our porch and that my daughter works in the same company I do.
Rachel Redmond, Debbie Sanders, Me - dreamers! |
Next I went to the photos. Oh wow. I was a little blown away. Sometimes I really take my life for granted! Being a military wife for so long, you just get used to people making the same money you do and going the same kinds of places you've been. It's "normal". Only, it isn't. After being a civilian couple for almost 2 years, we've gotten away from it all and now I can look back with fresh eyes.
Air Force Ball in Hawaii |
Ahhhhh. Zugspitse, German Alps |
St Peter's Square, Rome Italy |
I've been to London, Paris, Venice, Rome, Florence, the Alps, Hawaii, Korea ... starting to hear a little Johnny Cash in my brain.... I've skiied, hiked and sailed in dream locations. I've eaten stingray and drunk corn water (not that exciting, I know.).
Beautiful, romantic Venice |
Summit - Wiliwilinuinui Trail, Oahu Hawaii |
Florence (Firenza) Italy |
I love my life. I really do. And now, in my early 50's, I'm stretching myself in new ways and trying new things - learning to become a business women and leader of other women. I'm developing leadership skills I never knew I'd need. I'm seeking out women who need a way to improve their lot. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I love what I do.
Thanks be to God for the rich life He's given me in family and friends and may I always appreciate the opportunities I've had and will have. The lines have fallen in pleasant places and I hope that when you look at my Facebook page, you see a woman who loves God and her family and seeks to find joy and excitement in everything she does.
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