Well, it was bound to happen - and I can pretty much guarantee this won't be the only time - a blog about my hair. Oh my goodness! How ridiculous we women can be about our hair and I can assure you that I'm chief among them. (No guts no glory - just saying)
I like having pretty hair. If you know me, you know this. I feel the same way about my clothes, more often than not. At the same time, I detest the whole hair scene. I really do and I struggle with what to do about my hair ALL the time, especially when we move to a new area. Who's going to do my hair? How much is it going to cost? Am I willing to pay it? Will they make me feel like a doofus when I'm there? Will it look like "me" when I leave (the fake blonde me, not the real me)? I keep threatening to cut off all the color and give the world my white/gray/brown mix - which is a LOT of white in the front - but still don't really have the guts to endure the transition.
Now things are a little more complicated because we're living in retirement mode. We're establishing a new routine as a couple and if you remember, we live a good distance from everything (everything except the fattening, delicious, homecooking cafe we like to frequent). In this new far from everything, retirement, couple mode we're in we decided to book appointments for our hair at the same salon. Yes, we did. My husband woke up and decided he needed a haircut and since I said something like "Me, too", he announced that he was calling to schedule an appointment for us.
Now, I know that a man can get an appointment on the same day he calls, but seriously here, I needed color for the roots and either highlights or lowlights to add dimension to my color, along with a cute cut to help me feel younger, thinner, richer (though it makes me poorer!), and more like I like to pretend I am and less like I fear I am. I informed my husband of this, leaving out all the extras (he's more of a cut to the chase kind of listener). He called and when he was finished, looked at me proudly (or was it smuggly?) and said "1:30." (He's also a cut to the chase kind of talker. I am not.)
We headed to town a bit earlier than necessary for the hair and worked in a Thai lunch, a quick trip to the grocery, a mini scene in the parking lot when he scared me trying to help me (I was the one in the wrong), and a trip to my favorite Christian bookstore where I picked up a recommended read and a stylish, trendy watch. It was a very productive trip to town already!
After the errands, we headed across the parking lot to Persnickety's. Persnickety's is just as persnickety looking as you might imagine. I loved it - so cute! Turquoise walls, zebra print chairs, stylish looking stylists - all dressed in black, lots of big mirrors, and lots of chatter. It was very cutesy, but not snobby. I don't do snobby well. I'm happy, but I can't help feeling the need to giggle. Do you know my husband. If there's anyone in the whole wide world that is not a persnickety type of guy, it's him. He doesn't wear mousse or gel or wax in his hair. He doesn't use or even need a hair dryer. He's no fuss all the way. He's a polo shirt and Levi's type of guy. Period. End of story. The end. So I'm a little tickled. To be fair, we chose this place because his brother goes there and I have to tell you that he was a great sport. He did not roll his eyes one time - or pace around - or anything. He was the perfect gentleman and I expected no less.
The salon had thoughtfully scheduled our appointments with the same lady and told my hubby that she'd cut his hair while mine processed. In we go. The stylish stylist wisely lets my hubby know that it's going to be a while and he can go do something else while she gets the color on. Whoosh. I would've felt really, really bad if he had to sit in that persnickety salon with all the ladies and occasional man all by himself during the boring foil process. To be truthful, I felt pretty bad for ME having to be there. He left. I got foiled. He returned 30 minutes later as recommended. I started processing another 15 minutes after that. He got his hair cut. I got rinsed, cut, and styled. Poor guy.
Finally, declared beautiful (and feeling much more so than when I arrived), we were ready to leave. We headed up to the desk and it was time for the bill. I might not have properly prepared my dear husband for this part - and to be honest, I didn't know what to expect. I seriously saw remorse in the eyes of the receptionist as she gave him the bill - explaining no less the breakdown. $15 for him - significantly more for the wife (she didn't say "significantly" but might as well have) and $16 for that little tiny can of hair goop. Being as pleased with the service as I was, I scheduled my next appointment. Dear husband did not. (I'm going to try and boost my Mary Kay sales in the next 5 weeks.)
He never complained. Not once. Not even a hint. Now if that's not true love, I don't know what is.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Be Free!
A few years back I went to a Beth Moore Living Proof seminar in Atlanta. During this teaching time, she described the problem with us stuffing our problems down and not dealing with them as paper that we crumble up and stuff into a trash can. She taught that we're able to get a lot of paper in that can as long as we keep pressing down harder and harder. Eventually, there's so much paper in there we have to climb in the trash can and stand on the paper to make it stay put. That system works just fine until you have another problem somewhere else and have to step out of that trash can. Then the paper (problem) rises up and you realize it's a "900 lb. Goliath".
Oh the truth in that! Repressing problems just doesn't work. Through the years I've had reason to deal with many people struggling in their lives (me being one of them) with issues from the past that have not been dealt with. We squash and squash that proverbial paper down and then one day (the timing of which we have no control over) something makes this monster in our lives stand up and demand our attention. I'm here to tell you it often is not a pretty sight.
One of the things I've also noticed is that we are blind to how much energy we're using to hold the monsters in our lives down. Our efforts to bury these issues causes us internal turmoil that we contend with and begin to think are normal - thing is, they're not normal and there can be freedom and liberation.
I'm thinking about all of this for 2 reasons. The first is that I've been unpacking all of that literal stuff that I wrote about a few days ago. In this process I realized that burying my junk in the basement or attic did not make it go away. As all of the boxes arrive, I just keep looking at stuff that I've neglected to deal with through the years. I've hidden it and pretended it didn't exist. Not only that, I've often added to it. So now, here I am and I have to deal with it all because there just isn't any place to put this stuff. And guess what. It's harder now than ever to part with it or decide how to handle. I've gotten "comfortable" with it and attached to it. I've accepted it's place in my life as normal.
We can do that with our negative experiences, too, but the thing is much like my accumulated junk, they have a way of finding us. The 2nd reason I'm thinking about all of this is that I'm having a hard time breaking through to my next season of weight loss. Your reason for examining your life junk might be different than a weight issue but don't miss the point. Our issues manifest themselves in our lives. I have learned that continual overeating and failure to prioritize good health habits often, if not always, have roots in emotional, traumatic events in our lives. Because of that I'm looking deeper than just what I eat and what I do for exercise. Those things are superficial. If I don't get to the root of the problem, the good habits just won't stick.
In order to make the progress I've made over the past 4 years, I've had to do a lot of soul searching and force myself to deal with the things God has shown me about myself. It's not an easy process but it allows God to heal me and it frees me in a wonderful way. Hopefully, as a result, I'll be able to comfort others with the similar needs.
Don't let past pains and sorrows weigh you down and trap you. Having too much junk in your life is burdensome. I cannot tell you how free I feel with each load we carry to the dump or give away. Letting go is liberating. Are you holding on to bitterness and pain, refusing to forgive another, squashing down hurts and pains and sorrows like so much paper in a trash can? Take it to the Lord. Jesus tells us He will carry our burdens and that we can take His yoke which isn't heavy. Be free.
Oh the truth in that! Repressing problems just doesn't work. Through the years I've had reason to deal with many people struggling in their lives (me being one of them) with issues from the past that have not been dealt with. We squash and squash that proverbial paper down and then one day (the timing of which we have no control over) something makes this monster in our lives stand up and demand our attention. I'm here to tell you it often is not a pretty sight.
One of the things I've also noticed is that we are blind to how much energy we're using to hold the monsters in our lives down. Our efforts to bury these issues causes us internal turmoil that we contend with and begin to think are normal - thing is, they're not normal and there can be freedom and liberation.
I'm thinking about all of this for 2 reasons. The first is that I've been unpacking all of that literal stuff that I wrote about a few days ago. In this process I realized that burying my junk in the basement or attic did not make it go away. As all of the boxes arrive, I just keep looking at stuff that I've neglected to deal with through the years. I've hidden it and pretended it didn't exist. Not only that, I've often added to it. So now, here I am and I have to deal with it all because there just isn't any place to put this stuff. And guess what. It's harder now than ever to part with it or decide how to handle. I've gotten "comfortable" with it and attached to it. I've accepted it's place in my life as normal.
We can do that with our negative experiences, too, but the thing is much like my accumulated junk, they have a way of finding us. The 2nd reason I'm thinking about all of this is that I'm having a hard time breaking through to my next season of weight loss. Your reason for examining your life junk might be different than a weight issue but don't miss the point. Our issues manifest themselves in our lives. I have learned that continual overeating and failure to prioritize good health habits often, if not always, have roots in emotional, traumatic events in our lives. Because of that I'm looking deeper than just what I eat and what I do for exercise. Those things are superficial. If I don't get to the root of the problem, the good habits just won't stick.
In order to make the progress I've made over the past 4 years, I've had to do a lot of soul searching and force myself to deal with the things God has shown me about myself. It's not an easy process but it allows God to heal me and it frees me in a wonderful way. Hopefully, as a result, I'll be able to comfort others with the similar needs.
Don't let past pains and sorrows weigh you down and trap you. Having too much junk in your life is burdensome. I cannot tell you how free I feel with each load we carry to the dump or give away. Letting go is liberating. Are you holding on to bitterness and pain, refusing to forgive another, squashing down hurts and pains and sorrows like so much paper in a trash can? Take it to the Lord. Jesus tells us He will carry our burdens and that we can take His yoke which isn't heavy. Be free.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Too Much Stuff
I have too much. Too many dishes. Too many COUCHES for crying out loud. Too many sets of silverware. Too many favorite things.
You wouldn't know it today, but ordinarily I don't live in a cluttered house. I have a nicely decorated house and it's cozy, but I don't think it's cluttered. However, we're combining all of the things we've lived with for years and moved around from location to location with the things that we've had furnishing our lake house. It's a chore I'm here to tell you.
In both places, we've always made sure that we've had enough dishes, glassware and flatware to serve a crowd. We love to entertain. It brings us great pleasure to share our home and our time with people we love. Yesterday I was challenged to consider how often I need a lot of dishes. I answered "any given Sunday" and I mean it. It's a lake house! We want people here. Our family (a lot of it anyway) lives very near by. I could have 20 for dinner at the drop of a hat. Even so, I have too much of everything. I have to get rid of some very useful, still-in-good-condition items.
I'm going to free myself up some; having too much stuff is burdensome. I'm going to pack things away and send them to my storage unit. When Spring Break arrives, the kids can choose to take dishes, silverware and pots and pans back to school with them or they go to a thrift shop. I have enough of my very favorite things to take care of any crowd that may appear. I will be content with that. I don't need all the choices.
And by the way - 2 of us live here. I have a dozen nice matching coffee mugs, another dozen little coffee cups that came with the dish set w/ saucers that we never ever use, at least 1/2 dozen polish pottery mugs that make me smile, 4 espresso cups and then 6 or so other largish mugs that my hubby likes because they fit his hands better. If I'm counting correctly that's 40 vessels for coffee. Annnnd, I took approximately 20 mugs out of the cabinet already. That is nothing but gluttonous. I will change that today. Lord, forgive me.
You wouldn't know it today, but ordinarily I don't live in a cluttered house. I have a nicely decorated house and it's cozy, but I don't think it's cluttered. However, we're combining all of the things we've lived with for years and moved around from location to location with the things that we've had furnishing our lake house. It's a chore I'm here to tell you.
In both places, we've always made sure that we've had enough dishes, glassware and flatware to serve a crowd. We love to entertain. It brings us great pleasure to share our home and our time with people we love. Yesterday I was challenged to consider how often I need a lot of dishes. I answered "any given Sunday" and I mean it. It's a lake house! We want people here. Our family (a lot of it anyway) lives very near by. I could have 20 for dinner at the drop of a hat. Even so, I have too much of everything. I have to get rid of some very useful, still-in-good-condition items.
I'm going to free myself up some; having too much stuff is burdensome. I'm going to pack things away and send them to my storage unit. When Spring Break arrives, the kids can choose to take dishes, silverware and pots and pans back to school with them or they go to a thrift shop. I have enough of my very favorite things to take care of any crowd that may appear. I will be content with that. I don't need all the choices.
And by the way - 2 of us live here. I have a dozen nice matching coffee mugs, another dozen little coffee cups that came with the dish set w/ saucers that we never ever use, at least 1/2 dozen polish pottery mugs that make me smile, 4 espresso cups and then 6 or so other largish mugs that my hubby likes because they fit his hands better. If I'm counting correctly that's 40 vessels for coffee. Annnnd, I took approximately 20 mugs out of the cabinet already. That is nothing but gluttonous. I will change that today. Lord, forgive me.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Ay, yay, yay - A whiney post
Oh my goodness! I am not a happy camper this a.m. I am a woman in great pain and discomfort. I'm not being melodramatic here, just telling you like it is. I hurt and it's making me sad.
Here's the deal. In Januaury, 2007 I decided to choose a healthier lifestyle. I immediately enrolled in a sailing class (I lived in Hawaii and this was an excellent way to spend Thursdays in the "winter".). Beginning this class was a key step in my whole approach to things. I have a history of signing up for/participating only in things that I know for a fact I'll be good at. You see, I'm not nearly as confident as I appear but rather quite insecure (well, at times, anyway). The other thing that was significant is that I'd been living my life as rather a spectator not an actual participant. This was a step in changing that scenario. Ladies, and I think you know who you are, you helped change my life and I love you to death for your part in my life! (Note: this was all done as a result of a great amount of prayer and soul searching. Don't ever mistake this: Jesus is my Savior - but He uses people to help.)
The second thing I did was join Bob Greene's Best Life website. Bob Greene is Oprah's coach and though I have my own issues with her and her show, I've always found Bob Greene to be extremely reasonable and healthful in his approach to weight loss. I had prayed for a sound, non-fad, long-term approach and this is where God led me. Again, I'm very grateful. As a result of this program, which is basically doing that which we all know we need to do, I began regular exercise and changed my eating patterns. I started working out at slightly greater intensity and certainly more frequency than which I was accustomed. Of course, the more I did, the more I felt like doing. I eventually ran/walked the Great Aloha Run (8.1 miles) and finished smack dab in the middle. Most of you reading this, no doubt, remember this transformation in my life.
Since then I've maintained a pretty good regimen. It's not been perfect but it's allowed me to more or less maintain the improvements I've made. Along the way, however, I've pushed myself and as a result suffered some setbacks. First of all, I went snow skiing (first time ever) and had a great time learning to ski in the Alps. I worked hard, hard, hard every day for hours. Each night I went to bed loaded up on motrin and slept like a rock, then got up and did it again the next day. It was worth it, but by Friday, I noticed my knees were so swollen that I couldn't even see my kneecaps. So the next week and for weeks after I spent a lot of time on my back with my legs elevated. I took a lot of motrin to keep the swelling down. I couldn't bend my knees properly at all. I found that if I walked, it would be difficult in the beginning but eventually things would loosen up and I could hum right along. Then I'd come home and rest, elevate and motrinize myself all over again. My ski trip was in February and in April I began training myself to walk a marathon. I didn't complete that goal, but in June I did walk 14 miles at once.
Over the next year, I continued to walk and exercise at a moderate intensity due to my work schedule. I still made time for the basics but didn't have a lot of time for the big things. I also still had trouble bending my knees properly and they felt spongy all the time. (I gained an amazing amount of relief through one auricular acupuncture treatment.) Nonetheless, I found time for hikes and such and even began running. Using the Couch 2 5K training plan I worked up to 5K and found great pleasure and challenges pushing my body this way. Loved it. Once I hit 5K I began training to do a 10K. I completed this personal challenge and was able to support my friend in Sweden who was running by running my own private 10K in Germany. This was a great personal victory, coming back from injury and such. Unfortunately, I think I was running in the wrong type of shoes for my feet. I began developing painful adhesions in my thighs and had some swelling in my knees. So I put my running on hold.
Meanwhile my husband retired from his long service in the Air Force. Between finishing up a job, a trip to the States that involved some family care and the move, my exercise decreased even more. Now I'm in my new home, and all set up. I have these incredible country roads I can walk and bike. The weather is mostly accommodating. However, I'm having all kinds of foot pain. I'm mindful of my footwear. I have custom-made orthotic sandals that I'm using and I don't walk around barefoot. I also am building up my stamina (pain-wise) by increasing my walking distance each time. My feet do fine during the walk but each night I'm having foot pain that makes it difficult to even walk. I know I need to get some help.
Yesterday, my husband and I decided to take a nice long walk. The planned hike would test me; I knew this. It was more than double what I'd been doing. BUT the weather was gorgeous! I wanted to be out in it. I wanted to push my body a bit. I wanted to feel that surge of a job well done. I wanted to overcome. We walked for 3.72 miles which really isn't that far but the hills are so numerous and steep at times that it's a good challenge. Everything was great for the first 3 miles or so but then the pain began. It was like stepping on glass at times. It felt like a fire in my heel and made my opposite thigh burn (those darn adhesions!). By nightfall, I could hardly walk at all. Getting undressed was incredibly challenging since at some point you need to put all your weight on one foot and then the other. I was in tears. This morning isn't much better.
I know I'm whining and am being long-winded. I apologize; I really do. I'm just talking it out and telling you that I know I need some help. My DH lovingly massaged my foot and ankle (forgot to tell you I injured it a year ago and that it also swells a good bit whenever I exercise) and worked out some of my adhesions in my foot. I think, though, that a good chiropractor is in order. I think I finally have time to go. I have to whether I feel that I have the time or not.
The fact is I've worked too hard to lose a lot of ground. I've grown so much personally as a result of prioritizing my health and fitness. It has benefited everyone around me and is not at all a selfish endeavor. My active lifestyle enables me to keep up with my family, participate in physically taxing missions ministries, pursue working with children (need I say more) and enjoy long hikes with my dog and my husband. I'm not willing to just sit by and go back to where I was. Healthful living gives me so much energy and joy. This morning I realized I was quite depressed over this setback, fearful even. Talking it out with you has helped me see what I've already overcome and gives me hope and motivation to get things straightened out soon so that I can keep on keeping on. Thanks for listening.
Here's the deal. In Januaury, 2007 I decided to choose a healthier lifestyle. I immediately enrolled in a sailing class (I lived in Hawaii and this was an excellent way to spend Thursdays in the "winter".). Beginning this class was a key step in my whole approach to things. I have a history of signing up for/participating only in things that I know for a fact I'll be good at. You see, I'm not nearly as confident as I appear but rather quite insecure (well, at times, anyway). The other thing that was significant is that I'd been living my life as rather a spectator not an actual participant. This was a step in changing that scenario. Ladies, and I think you know who you are, you helped change my life and I love you to death for your part in my life! (Note: this was all done as a result of a great amount of prayer and soul searching. Don't ever mistake this: Jesus is my Savior - but He uses people to help.)
The second thing I did was join Bob Greene's Best Life website. Bob Greene is Oprah's coach and though I have my own issues with her and her show, I've always found Bob Greene to be extremely reasonable and healthful in his approach to weight loss. I had prayed for a sound, non-fad, long-term approach and this is where God led me. Again, I'm very grateful. As a result of this program, which is basically doing that which we all know we need to do, I began regular exercise and changed my eating patterns. I started working out at slightly greater intensity and certainly more frequency than which I was accustomed. Of course, the more I did, the more I felt like doing. I eventually ran/walked the Great Aloha Run (8.1 miles) and finished smack dab in the middle. Most of you reading this, no doubt, remember this transformation in my life.
Since then I've maintained a pretty good regimen. It's not been perfect but it's allowed me to more or less maintain the improvements I've made. Along the way, however, I've pushed myself and as a result suffered some setbacks. First of all, I went snow skiing (first time ever) and had a great time learning to ski in the Alps. I worked hard, hard, hard every day for hours. Each night I went to bed loaded up on motrin and slept like a rock, then got up and did it again the next day. It was worth it, but by Friday, I noticed my knees were so swollen that I couldn't even see my kneecaps. So the next week and for weeks after I spent a lot of time on my back with my legs elevated. I took a lot of motrin to keep the swelling down. I couldn't bend my knees properly at all. I found that if I walked, it would be difficult in the beginning but eventually things would loosen up and I could hum right along. Then I'd come home and rest, elevate and motrinize myself all over again. My ski trip was in February and in April I began training myself to walk a marathon. I didn't complete that goal, but in June I did walk 14 miles at once.
Over the next year, I continued to walk and exercise at a moderate intensity due to my work schedule. I still made time for the basics but didn't have a lot of time for the big things. I also still had trouble bending my knees properly and they felt spongy all the time. (I gained an amazing amount of relief through one auricular acupuncture treatment.) Nonetheless, I found time for hikes and such and even began running. Using the Couch 2 5K training plan I worked up to 5K and found great pleasure and challenges pushing my body this way. Loved it. Once I hit 5K I began training to do a 10K. I completed this personal challenge and was able to support my friend in Sweden who was running by running my own private 10K in Germany. This was a great personal victory, coming back from injury and such. Unfortunately, I think I was running in the wrong type of shoes for my feet. I began developing painful adhesions in my thighs and had some swelling in my knees. So I put my running on hold.
Meanwhile my husband retired from his long service in the Air Force. Between finishing up a job, a trip to the States that involved some family care and the move, my exercise decreased even more. Now I'm in my new home, and all set up. I have these incredible country roads I can walk and bike. The weather is mostly accommodating. However, I'm having all kinds of foot pain. I'm mindful of my footwear. I have custom-made orthotic sandals that I'm using and I don't walk around barefoot. I also am building up my stamina (pain-wise) by increasing my walking distance each time. My feet do fine during the walk but each night I'm having foot pain that makes it difficult to even walk. I know I need to get some help.
Yesterday, my husband and I decided to take a nice long walk. The planned hike would test me; I knew this. It was more than double what I'd been doing. BUT the weather was gorgeous! I wanted to be out in it. I wanted to push my body a bit. I wanted to feel that surge of a job well done. I wanted to overcome. We walked for 3.72 miles which really isn't that far but the hills are so numerous and steep at times that it's a good challenge. Everything was great for the first 3 miles or so but then the pain began. It was like stepping on glass at times. It felt like a fire in my heel and made my opposite thigh burn (those darn adhesions!). By nightfall, I could hardly walk at all. Getting undressed was incredibly challenging since at some point you need to put all your weight on one foot and then the other. I was in tears. This morning isn't much better.
I know I'm whining and am being long-winded. I apologize; I really do. I'm just talking it out and telling you that I know I need some help. My DH lovingly massaged my foot and ankle (forgot to tell you I injured it a year ago and that it also swells a good bit whenever I exercise) and worked out some of my adhesions in my foot. I think, though, that a good chiropractor is in order. I think I finally have time to go. I have to whether I feel that I have the time or not.
The fact is I've worked too hard to lose a lot of ground. I've grown so much personally as a result of prioritizing my health and fitness. It has benefited everyone around me and is not at all a selfish endeavor. My active lifestyle enables me to keep up with my family, participate in physically taxing missions ministries, pursue working with children (need I say more) and enjoy long hikes with my dog and my husband. I'm not willing to just sit by and go back to where I was. Healthful living gives me so much energy and joy. This morning I realized I was quite depressed over this setback, fearful even. Talking it out with you has helped me see what I've already overcome and gives me hope and motivation to get things straightened out soon so that I can keep on keeping on. Thanks for listening.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
When Should "Kids" Marry?
In terms of my life so far, I'm old, the oldest I've every been. In terms of my kids' lives, I'm quite old. In terms of those 15 - 20 years older than me, I'm young. Could age really be that relative? In fact, even within my own body and experience, I have young days and old days. The more my feet hurt, the older I feel. The more energy I have, the younger I feel. Also, true with the cuter my hair is. *wink*
So, here's my question: What is the right age to marry? And how do you know when it's time (both as a parent and as a potential bride or groom)? I have to have this info because I am the parent of 23, 20 and 18 year olds. One is already engaged. Someday, I presume the other 2 will want to be.
Here's what I know based on my own experience. When you're ready to get married, you're ready to get married. It doesn't matter what else is going on in your life. Well, that was me. Every minute apart from my true love was too much. I would, sometimes literally, run from work to meet him and I worked in downtown Atlanta and wore professional-ish clothes. I wanted to be with that man every second. And by the way, we were 21 and felt like full-grown adults, not kids who didn't know a thing in the world. However, we were probably, in reality, kids who didn't know a thing in the world.
I will not suggest for a moment that we were wise about everything. I know for a fact that we weren't. I just know that others' opinions weren't all that important to us. (That could be one of the things that we weren't so wise about.) My husband was wise enough to make sure that his degree was complete before we got married... by a whole week. I was in my senior year and I (foolishly) stopped going to school to work. I know the wisdom of this was questioned greatly, but I don't question us getting married when we did and as far as me and my "career", I am convinced that I've been doing what God wanted me to do all along, so I don't know that the degree would've made that big a difference. On the other hand, I still regret not having the degree and at least once a year, I look at what it will take to finish.
Back on track: The real track is the relativity of age and the appropriate time to marry. I hear people say, and frequently at that, that their child is absolutely not allowed to marry until they finish college. I hear others insist on a one year engagement. Then again, I know of "kids" who marry while in college and they are rock solid. I even know of a girl who married at 18, her husband is working on his degree while she's very happily employed as a dental hygienist. They've been married several years now and are doing great. How do you know what's right?
I feel pretty certain that I want my kids to wait as long as possible and get as far in their growing up and education as possible. However, I believe that we're in a time where kids are putting off growing up and stretching out their irresponsible years more and more. This isn't good for society. I'm not a fan. I believe that our children need to be taking responsibility for their lives and acting like adults as soon as possible. At the same time, I want my children to have the best shot at long-lasting, God-centered marriages as possible. Are these two notions in opposition to each other?
I'm not coming with answers, but questions? How do you advise the younger ones in your lives? What did you do and how did it work out for you?
I'm almost 50 years old. I've been married almost 28 years. I am happier in my marriage than I've ever been. I was a month shy of 22 when I married and I do not feel like I missed a thing. Getting married influenced my not finishing my degree, but truthfully I could've done that numerous times over. I just haven't.
I want my children (are you listening, children?) to have healthy marriages, God-willing, filled with a steady income, full of love, joy and mutual respect. I hope that they're able to travel a bit as they get older and that they're diligent to build a savings account to help with the unexpected and at some point luxuries. I want them to come see me at the lake and bring their babies. And... I want them to finish college. I do. No one knows what the future holds. All of my kids have collegiate type brains. I want them to grow the brains God has given them and use them for His glory. BUT: I don't know that I would make this a requirement for marriage and how could I enforce that anyway? I pray that God will lead me and my husband as well as the kids involved at the time so that we all have peace about any proposed marriage (to whom and when) because goodness knows we all have to deal with the fallout if poor decisions are made.
(All because I read the beautiful blog of a young woman who married while still in college. Love you ASW! )
So, here's my question: What is the right age to marry? And how do you know when it's time (both as a parent and as a potential bride or groom)? I have to have this info because I am the parent of 23, 20 and 18 year olds. One is already engaged. Someday, I presume the other 2 will want to be.
Here's what I know based on my own experience. When you're ready to get married, you're ready to get married. It doesn't matter what else is going on in your life. Well, that was me. Every minute apart from my true love was too much. I would, sometimes literally, run from work to meet him and I worked in downtown Atlanta and wore professional-ish clothes. I wanted to be with that man every second. And by the way, we were 21 and felt like full-grown adults, not kids who didn't know a thing in the world. However, we were probably, in reality, kids who didn't know a thing in the world.
I will not suggest for a moment that we were wise about everything. I know for a fact that we weren't. I just know that others' opinions weren't all that important to us. (That could be one of the things that we weren't so wise about.) My husband was wise enough to make sure that his degree was complete before we got married... by a whole week. I was in my senior year and I (foolishly) stopped going to school to work. I know the wisdom of this was questioned greatly, but I don't question us getting married when we did and as far as me and my "career", I am convinced that I've been doing what God wanted me to do all along, so I don't know that the degree would've made that big a difference. On the other hand, I still regret not having the degree and at least once a year, I look at what it will take to finish.
Back on track: The real track is the relativity of age and the appropriate time to marry. I hear people say, and frequently at that, that their child is absolutely not allowed to marry until they finish college. I hear others insist on a one year engagement. Then again, I know of "kids" who marry while in college and they are rock solid. I even know of a girl who married at 18, her husband is working on his degree while she's very happily employed as a dental hygienist. They've been married several years now and are doing great. How do you know what's right?
I feel pretty certain that I want my kids to wait as long as possible and get as far in their growing up and education as possible. However, I believe that we're in a time where kids are putting off growing up and stretching out their irresponsible years more and more. This isn't good for society. I'm not a fan. I believe that our children need to be taking responsibility for their lives and acting like adults as soon as possible. At the same time, I want my children to have the best shot at long-lasting, God-centered marriages as possible. Are these two notions in opposition to each other?
I'm not coming with answers, but questions? How do you advise the younger ones in your lives? What did you do and how did it work out for you?
I'm almost 50 years old. I've been married almost 28 years. I am happier in my marriage than I've ever been. I was a month shy of 22 when I married and I do not feel like I missed a thing. Getting married influenced my not finishing my degree, but truthfully I could've done that numerous times over. I just haven't.
I want my children (are you listening, children?) to have healthy marriages, God-willing, filled with a steady income, full of love, joy and mutual respect. I hope that they're able to travel a bit as they get older and that they're diligent to build a savings account to help with the unexpected and at some point luxuries. I want them to come see me at the lake and bring their babies. And... I want them to finish college. I do. No one knows what the future holds. All of my kids have collegiate type brains. I want them to grow the brains God has given them and use them for His glory. BUT: I don't know that I would make this a requirement for marriage and how could I enforce that anyway? I pray that God will lead me and my husband as well as the kids involved at the time so that we all have peace about any proposed marriage (to whom and when) because goodness knows we all have to deal with the fallout if poor decisions are made.
(All because I read the beautiful blog of a young woman who married while still in college. Love you ASW! )
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Let the Saturdays Continue...
Yesterday morning I did what I always do. I checked Facebook so that in one fell sweep I could see what's going on in the world. (Just decided I'll have to blog on this all by itself soon!) As I scrolled along, I saw "Yay! Friday's here." "Thank goodness it's Friday!" "Weekend's here!" "So glad it's Friday!" The first thought that ran through my mind was "Thank goodness for Facebook friends who let me know what day it really is!" This is not a joke. I felt it so strongly that I very nearly made it my status.
I know I've blogged about this before, but in case you missed it (well, just scroll down if you missed it) or in case you're tempted to think I'm exaggerating, here's how my week went:
Sunday - Truth be told and please don't judge, we didn't go to church. Side note: We enjoy church and we believe it's important to go to church, however, we don't have a church home yet (see another previously written blog that you can find by scrolling down - not yet, read this one first - I mean you're here and everything! *sigh* Life in my brain!) and when we don't have a church home, it can be a little more difficult to get up and going. While that's true, the real reason we didn't go to church is that we were worn out from our week of Saturdays. We just exhausted ourselves so Sunday we rested.
Monday - You will think I'm kidding here; I am not. I awoke on Monday, Martin Luther King Day, and realized it was a holiday. I felt supremely guilty for using fatigue as a reason for skipping church when the next day was a holiday. Then I realized the holiday meant nothing to us. We weren't granted any time off at all. It was still "Saturday" and there were more projects to do. I don't think I even remember what we did Monday other than have dinner across the lake, which was divine but not particularly taxing. Oh yeah. Monday. Monday I went shopping. Ask anyone; this will wear a body out. It wasn't just any old pleasure shopping trip either. I went shopping for a new couch. That IS exhausting. I did a bunch of errands and hit up the grocery store, too. This was the kind of shopping that involves scrutinizing light bulb packaging for voltage. You know how exciting that is. whoo.
Tuesday - Let's see... well, I'm gonna guess we got up, drank coffee, watched the news, checked facebook and email, yada yada yada... Made a list and set about completing the list. Actually, as I remember it, Tuesday was a very hopeful day. Tuesday is the day people started showing interest in my dear husband's qualifications for gainful employment thus ending the endless Saturdays. Let me stop right here and tell you that there is nothing, nothing that will make you wake up and smell the coffee, producing a mighty to-do list like realizing that your personal handyman is about to go to work.
I know I've blogged about this before, but in case you missed it (well, just scroll down if you missed it) or in case you're tempted to think I'm exaggerating, here's how my week went:
Sunday - Truth be told and please don't judge, we didn't go to church. Side note: We enjoy church and we believe it's important to go to church, however, we don't have a church home yet (see another previously written blog that you can find by scrolling down - not yet, read this one first - I mean you're here and everything! *sigh* Life in my brain!) and when we don't have a church home, it can be a little more difficult to get up and going. While that's true, the real reason we didn't go to church is that we were worn out from our week of Saturdays. We just exhausted ourselves so Sunday we rested.
Monday - You will think I'm kidding here; I am not. I awoke on Monday, Martin Luther King Day, and realized it was a holiday. I felt supremely guilty for using fatigue as a reason for skipping church when the next day was a holiday. Then I realized the holiday meant nothing to us. We weren't granted any time off at all. It was still "Saturday" and there were more projects to do. I don't think I even remember what we did Monday other than have dinner across the lake, which was divine but not particularly taxing. Oh yeah. Monday. Monday I went shopping. Ask anyone; this will wear a body out. It wasn't just any old pleasure shopping trip either. I went shopping for a new couch. That IS exhausting. I did a bunch of errands and hit up the grocery store, too. This was the kind of shopping that involves scrutinizing light bulb packaging for voltage. You know how exciting that is. whoo.
Tuesday - Let's see... well, I'm gonna guess we got up, drank coffee, watched the news, checked facebook and email, yada yada yada... Made a list and set about completing the list. Actually, as I remember it, Tuesday was a very hopeful day. Tuesday is the day people started showing interest in my dear husband's qualifications for gainful employment thus ending the endless Saturdays. Let me stop right here and tell you that there is nothing, nothing that will make you wake up and smell the coffee, producing a mighty to-do list like realizing that your personal handyman is about to go to work.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
It's like all the warning bells and buzzers started going off at once. "FINISH THE LIST NOW!" it screamed. I don't remember what exactly we did on this Saturday named Tuesday, but rest assured we were busy.
Wednesday - Halt from the typical Saturday for me. This was really fun. I went to the Gift Mart in Atlanta. What? You don't know what that is? It is shopping mecca. It's the place where all of the wonderful things you find in shops across America are more or less birthed. I was the guest of my brother in law who was shopping for his store. I got to help shop for the store. I picked out things that I will forget about until they appear in the store that I will then have to have. You can see this is a win-win for brother in law (as long as dear husband (DH) becomes gainfully employed). DH cleaned the bathrooms, moved 2 couches and 2 love seats to storage and organized the desk (more Saturday chores).
Thursday - My feet hurt terribly from Wednesday. I didn't want to do anything. This day was delivery day for my new couch, however. This day involved getting ready for the couch. Vacuuming and mopping the hardwood floor, adjusting the carpet, picking up some odd things around the house - random, not odd, washing sheets and clothes, going to town to buy a chair (a throne) for DH, (He's never had his very own, specially chosen chair (throne).), killing time until our appointed dinner time with family, having dinner in town with family and going to Lowe's to get all the hardware needed for the next day of projects . See? Exhausting! (We worked in Big Lots, B-i-l's bookstore, a drug store/gift shop (self-appointed competition snooping for b-i-l) and other furniture-scoping-out stuff.)
Friday - I began Friday by learning that it's Friday, thanks to all of my dear Facebook friends to whom it means something. I could not share in the enthusiasm. What I could get excited about though was that this was "Hang the Pot Rack Day". Yes! While I was at the Gift Mart, my pot rack arrived (which I could've probably bought at the Gift Mart for much less - not really. I don't think. Can't think about that.) Anyway, this pot rack, to be clear is for pots and pans, not pot, which is illegal (Thank you, Melinda, for pointing that out).
Let me interrupt this diatribe to tell you that there is a gorgeous sunrise happening on the lake at this very moment. I'd show you but I broke my camera. Wait. I'll try my computer cam. Doesn't do it justice. The sun rises on the other side of the house but illuminates the western sky with color.
Anyway, my DH hung a beautiful pot rack for me in the kitchen and then we moved the porch swings from the lower patio up to the front porch. I helped off and on and goofed-off off and on. I also put clean sheets on a bed, cleaned out a closet, cleaned off a different bed, considered cleaning out another closet, went for a walk, cooked a healthy dinner and relaxed with a t.v. car auction.
Today - Well, it's Saturday. No, the real Saturday. We are up early (must be the full moon) and have laid out the plan. Actually, we've just changed the plan. The original plan was yard work. After all, it is Saturday. However, since DH is job hunting and civilian job-hunting doesn't involve flight suits AND there is a huge sale in town, we have changed the yard work plan to suit shopping. Somehow, I have a feeling DH has not dropped the yard work plan, so I'm gearing up for that, too. It is, after all, Saturday.
Toodles.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Life is Messy, God is Good
My daughter coined that phrase a good while back, I think. In other words, I heard it first from her. Lately the phrase has surfaced again and I'm found with the opportunity to consider it and what it really means. I don't know that I have anything profound or substantial to add to the discussion, but I'm going to "talk it out" here anyway and see what I end up with.
Life is full of mess. We know this. To this date, I've yet to find anyone who is immune. Now we can understand, given a Biblical worldview, why this is - I mean we have a true arch enemy who is out for our destruction. Truly, Satan is after God's destruction and is so delusional that he thinks he actual stands a chance of victory. We are the creatures he's decided to pursue, punish, hunt down like a lion. It's his very nature. God is our Redeemer and can rescue us from the very worst Satan has for us, but between now and then (the time that we are free from this war) Satan has all kinds of attacks laid out for us to try and trap us and bring us down. Frankly, he has a fair amount of success, however temporary.
We also have mess when we try to follow God's ways when Satan is trying to lure us to his way. It's not easy to choose to follow Jesus. It involves sacrifice. Our bodies want one thing when our minds know another is better and it creates a tension with our very souls and we strive to get ourselves in line so to speak. So many times we live our lives with little concern and then find ourselves in a place we know isn't best or even good for us (out of God's will). When that happens we have to correct our course. ....
Sailing analogy: When you're sailing downwind it is smooth. You just cruise along. You don't even really feel the wind because you're traveling along with it. But what happens when you realize you're headed in the absolute wrong direction? You have to change course and that involves jibing. Truth be told, I have trouble with this. I think that my failure to successfully jibe is the thing that holds me back most as a sailor. I'm flat out afraid of it. A jibe requires some cautious maneuvering or you risk a C-jibe which is rough and can sling the boom across in an uncontrolled way risking a hard capsize and injury to you and the vessel. However, a properly executed jibe will take the craft right around and get things going back upwind. When you head close to the wind, you feel the wind; it might seem a little rougher in ways, but it nice. I love close-haul sailing. I FEEL like I'm going somewhere - earning my keep.
I suppose I'm saying that when we're off-course, it might feel easy and nice - no worries, no hard work, but could be completely off from where God wants us. When we have to correct, it might feel hard and intimidating. (Life is messy.) But. When we get headed in the right direction again and on course - even if it takes more work and seems harder, it's worth it if it takes you to your ultimate destination.
Here's the real deal: God is good no matter what our circumstances are. His character, His holiness, His just-ness are all the same even when life is messy, hard and seemingly unfair. His ways are always right. He is not circumstantial. He's the same God and His love for you is just as sure, just as real as ever. Remember, according to the Bible, our lives are like a vapor. Living for today will bring a short pleasure compared to eternity. Likewise, our pain and suffering are short-lived compared to the glory of what lies ahead of us in eternity. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Have hope. Whatever messiness you find yourself in - it's not forever. The best stuff is found in choosing God over temporary pleasures. "Hangeth thou in there" as Kay Arthur says. And oh, by the way, life with God is fun and freeing! "Better is one day in Your courts that thousands elsewhere."
NOTE: I should mention that often life is messy because of our own desires and bad choices (see James)
Life is full of mess. We know this. To this date, I've yet to find anyone who is immune. Now we can understand, given a Biblical worldview, why this is - I mean we have a true arch enemy who is out for our destruction. Truly, Satan is after God's destruction and is so delusional that he thinks he actual stands a chance of victory. We are the creatures he's decided to pursue, punish, hunt down like a lion. It's his very nature. God is our Redeemer and can rescue us from the very worst Satan has for us, but between now and then (the time that we are free from this war) Satan has all kinds of attacks laid out for us to try and trap us and bring us down. Frankly, he has a fair amount of success, however temporary.
We also have mess when we try to follow God's ways when Satan is trying to lure us to his way. It's not easy to choose to follow Jesus. It involves sacrifice. Our bodies want one thing when our minds know another is better and it creates a tension with our very souls and we strive to get ourselves in line so to speak. So many times we live our lives with little concern and then find ourselves in a place we know isn't best or even good for us (out of God's will). When that happens we have to correct our course. ....
Sailing analogy: When you're sailing downwind it is smooth. You just cruise along. You don't even really feel the wind because you're traveling along with it. But what happens when you realize you're headed in the absolute wrong direction? You have to change course and that involves jibing. Truth be told, I have trouble with this. I think that my failure to successfully jibe is the thing that holds me back most as a sailor. I'm flat out afraid of it. A jibe requires some cautious maneuvering or you risk a C-jibe which is rough and can sling the boom across in an uncontrolled way risking a hard capsize and injury to you and the vessel. However, a properly executed jibe will take the craft right around and get things going back upwind. When you head close to the wind, you feel the wind; it might seem a little rougher in ways, but it nice. I love close-haul sailing. I FEEL like I'm going somewhere - earning my keep.
I suppose I'm saying that when we're off-course, it might feel easy and nice - no worries, no hard work, but could be completely off from where God wants us. When we have to correct, it might feel hard and intimidating. (Life is messy.) But. When we get headed in the right direction again and on course - even if it takes more work and seems harder, it's worth it if it takes you to your ultimate destination.
Here's the real deal: God is good no matter what our circumstances are. His character, His holiness, His just-ness are all the same even when life is messy, hard and seemingly unfair. His ways are always right. He is not circumstantial. He's the same God and His love for you is just as sure, just as real as ever. Remember, according to the Bible, our lives are like a vapor. Living for today will bring a short pleasure compared to eternity. Likewise, our pain and suffering are short-lived compared to the glory of what lies ahead of us in eternity. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Have hope. Whatever messiness you find yourself in - it's not forever. The best stuff is found in choosing God over temporary pleasures. "Hangeth thou in there" as Kay Arthur says. And oh, by the way, life with God is fun and freeing! "Better is one day in Your courts that thousands elsewhere."
NOTE: I should mention that often life is messy because of our own desires and bad choices (see James)
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